Turn Back Tuesday: A Man's Four Point Strategy For Going From Online to A Date In Real Life

This post was originally published on the OK Cupid dating site my online journal.  It's worth repeating here and might be helpful to men who are just as frustrated with getting stuck in the online dating drama of messaging and chat. This post was received well by the guys of OKC, who offered many positive comments and thanked me for helping them to push through some insecurities they had about asking a girl out.  -Vicky B.

Online Dating and Momentum!                                June 25, 2010

Momentum is progress or development that is becoming faster or stronger.  

I have been on a handful of dates with some incredible guys and if it weren't for the chemistry between us needing to be more, I'm sure we would have hit it off!  

Still, now, I am writing because as of late, there have been a few men that have expressed interest and I have expressed interest and that hasn't led to an invite out!

What gives?! 

I think this is because of lack of momentum! 

I wish everybody on OKC (and for that matter everybody out there open to finding love) well.  This is not a matter of me being disappointed that there's been all this OKC messages back and forth, text messages back and forth, and or emails back and forth without any building on the momentum and taking it beyond the virtual. 

I do think though, if any man wants to see a woman, he will need to, for lack of a better word, have better "game" than to spend lots of time becoming buddies, whether that be email, text, or even OKC message buddies!

I have a great life with great friends and I am not looking for new buddies, but I am looking for a genuine romantic connection that will include a deep friendship eventually!

If you are a guy who wants that, even if it's not with me, I urge you not to set yourselves up into a BUDDY for any woman. (sex buddies are a different story and not applicable here...) 

So the answer is to make sure you build momentum and do not drag your communication on and on so that everyone has forgotten why they were interested to begin with.  

One guy messaged me and said, "Where did you go?"  I said, "I'm sorry, I have no idea where we left at."  I had completely lost interest and he was really a nice guy, but if you are not building momentum with the person you really like, then realize that more likely than not, someone else is!

BUILD MOMENTUM and GET ON THAT DATE- Online dating HAPPENS in the REAL WORLD.  You only "meet" a profile and then should be MEETING in real life if you like what you SEE & READ!

Your Four Point Strategy for Going From ONLINE to An In REAL LIFE Date:

1. Express your interest (especially if she has already winked at you)
2. Take a strong stance if she expresses interest in return- a commanding resolved position (confidence) in your messages. You are a man over 30 with male YANG (to her YIN) energy, this is a turn-on for women! Flirting for one or two messages is OK, but you WANT TO TAKE HER OUT not have a FLIRTING AFFAIR online for weeks that eventually fizzles!
3. Ask to talk with her (over the phone) or ask her out and only if and when she expresses hesitation do you DOWNGRADE to "CHAT" on messengers and resort to email for finding out more about each other.  Spending time chatting with her online and emails back and forth will only give her MORE TIME to go out with other guys!
4. Set up the date- Have an idea of where you can meet that will work for her!  Yes, women are very independent but they want to meet a guy who knows how to take her out, knows where to go, and will consider her ideas while he sets it up! 

I hope you find your lucky ladies and I hope you build momentum with the ladies you are very interested in!