Kisses Update: I'm Not Saying I'm The Best, But...

I'm the best!
No, seriously!  "I'm the one! I'm her!" Haha!  Thank you, Mary J. Blige, for such great affirmation and truth!  So, I wanted to give an update on my dating life, after all that is integral to the purpose of this blog! If you take a visual stroll in the history of this blog you will find some posts on my many experiences with the men I have dated over the course of starting this blog and then there is a prompt halt, in part because I fell deeply in love almost a year ago and had a beautiful romance which presented me with the very real problems of 1) Not having time to write or not wanting to write while enthralled with the romance and 2) Not knowing how to capture the romance in my writing or knowing what was "okay" to reveal.  The romance that I fully believed would last forever ended and I would go through that all too necessary process of letting go and moving on.

Thanksgiving 2010

TOP 10 Things I am Thankful for:

1. Being safe and sound in NYC.
2. Having the best extended family a girl could have on both sides of the fence.
3. Being close to my folks and having their unwavering support.
4. Having incredibly amazing sisters.
5. Having cousins who are like sisters.
6. Having true true true friendship in my besties. 
7. Having an endless stream of beautiful friendships at school, work, and online!
8. Living my dreams and making more come true along the way.
9. Living Love & Kindness as my religion.
10. Feeling complete.

Kanye West Is Brilliant: People Should Listen to Him

Blog articles like Kanye West Says Taylor Swift's 2009 VMA Win Was Disrespectful, Claims 'Today' Exploited Him - Hip-Hop Media Training just exploit anything "Kanye". All I have come up with when reading this blog article on his performance at the Bowery on Wednesday, November 24, 2010 is, "so what"? Where's the "tirade"? Kanye comments on his past stupid (yes, very stupid) behavior in his ten minute announcement (I refuse to call him talking to his fans a "tirade"- C'mon Son?! Really?!) to his crowd at the Bowery.


Instead of crap-talking about him, devaluing his statements that have been for redemption, and twisting his intentions, motives, and agenda, we should listen to him!! He is a brilliant artist!!  Please read Jake Paine's review of Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy!


Will he be stupid later and say or do something stupid?? I don't know? Will you? Will you make a mistake down the line? Will you attempt to correct your mistakes and make things right?
Will you learn those incredible lessons that only humiliation can bring? And even so, will you then, never ever ever forget those very lessons? Will you be good to yourself if you do happen to forget? 
Will you be honest and be true to yourself even though people keep telling you to "stop doing that"!? Here let me add that people who are jerks more often than not think they are being their true self, but being your true self does not give you a pass to be inconsiderate, unkind, and harmful with others- just FYI, you can be a jerk sometimes, but 100% jerk requires a re-haul of your personal outlook, vision for yourself, and a wake-up call to the blessings you do have. I believe in every person being their own number one person, but do not be irresponsible in your selfishness! Being selfish is healthy and allows you to take care of you and your needs, but "no harm to others" insists you act with care about how you engage with the people around you and how others fit in your life.


Leave Kanye alone already!  Let him speak- he did not "retract" his VMA apology- stop with the madness!
I am positive Kanye is not done making some mistakes down the line, just as I am positive I am not done with mine.  More importantly, if I were you, I would pay attention to his music- it's genius!

Wherever you go, go with all your heart... ~Confucius via Maridel Constantino

 www.AfricaAndI.com

I am so blessed! Here, I was having a pity-party-moments filled day when I was sent a message that I had to read a special blog by






Maridel Constantino, of  africa & i: a student's journey.  It is her blog that tells of her nursing adventure in Africa.


Today, has been a day of few breaks and time given only to eat so that I could keep energized for more writing, data entry, and reports that are pending, overdue, or in urgent need of submission for review.  I am so glad I did give myself the room to breathe and breathe in, like I do when I meditate (breathe in peace, breathe out smile).  And so it was that I experienced Maridel's wonderful work.  Maridel is in Africa right now after having received word in late September of her acceptance into a special program by theSchool of Nursing International Committee.  I have read through the beginning adventures she has had in transitioning from what we might call the normal day to day to day  to the life of a nurse in places where she is most needed in Africa.  She will complete a two month stint there and I am sure her posts to follow will be incredible eye openers.  

In her posts like her latest one she wants to get across some important initiatives that will help a great number of people, like Spread The Net, which asks  for the purchase bed nets for children in Liberia and Rwanda to help prevent the spread malaria.  Also, she challenges her readers to look at their own lives to see how they are part of building a global community or how they can get started in that direction.

I have a strong desire to visit and experience different parts of Africa and so reading what Maridel is doing lifted my spirits and rejuvenated that interest!  It's also helped remind me that I do need to focus on my work so I can achieve lots more in a shorter amount of time.  I think there is a way to make all our dreams come true and sometimes that means putting in some unpleasant legwork that will set the stage for that!  In the meantime, I have a window to it through blogs, books, and people in my life that have been there done that! I will soon enough have my very own experience to blog about! 

Kudos, Maridel, for caring in the special way you do and for the kindness you show in your actions!

Global Kindness seems like a beautiful, if not necessary thing to foster!

Everyone is Job Hunting: "How to Find a Job" E-Book

I have no interest in working more than the hours I work already when I have a full-time job in being a doctoral student (Student to Scholar: The Guide for Doctoral Students). Yes, there are ways I am very limited in what I can do, but I have accepted this as part of the current life I am leading. Still, at times I feel guilty, because the only way it works and I am able to feel at ease about it is through having a strong network of support mostly via my family and then friends. I'm also fearless (Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear) about worst case scenarios, for better or worse. 

With that said, for my part, money is not what dictates my happiness, it is only a means to certain things I want. But people have to "live" and by that I mean, pay the bills, rent, car note and insurance, buy groceries, and pay fees for anything and everything known to man. I have a method to madness in how I am handling all of this.  Still, my thoughts often turn to my mother who has been unemployed for a while now.  She worries a lot and looks to her daughters for extra monetary support- support that I do my best to offer, but find myself borrowing from Peter to pay Paul (Peter in this case would be either one of my sisters and Paul, well, could be anybody).
                                              
Finding a job in the current job market seems almost impossible!  I have done a lot of the leg work in looking for employment for my mother.  It has been difficult to heart-aching at times.  I don't think there are many people out there that feel okay with being dependent on others or having to relinquish some of their former financial independence- I know I don't.  Mine is a choice, my mother's is not.

 I am going to check out  How to Find a Job - e-Book - An Employment Guide  to see if there something else I could be doing for my mom!  I liked these points from their website:

• Determining which profession is best for you
• Ways to let the employer know you are the best candidate for the job
• Multiple job posting others may not know about
• Guides for daily jobs searches
• Surviving and standing out during an interview
• Keeping the job once you have it!

"Combining the knowledge in the e-book with your determination to find a job will soon result in finding a position where not only are you valued, but you can thrive.

Good luck! Do not despair, there is an employer out there looking for you just as hard as you are looking for them. Working together we CAN FIND THEM!"

It's almost Christmas and that serves as a reminder to many unemployed folks out there just how badly they would love to be working just so they can give something special to others!

Choose Kindness...

Max Holloway, "Londer Jazzer", Takes Me Back To New Orleans

This past summer I visited a number of places including D.C., Denver, and NOLA!  Most recently, by virtue of social networking I became acquainted with Max Holloway, who turns out is quite the super star!  As soon as he talked jazz and how he has been playing music since he could walk, played the ukulele, recorders, trumpet, clarinet, bass clarinet, piano, bass guitar and finally the saxophones, he transported me back to New Orleans instantly! 

While in NOLA, my friends and I strolled the streets (or briskly walked or ran at times hehe) all the while live music could be heard just about everywhere.  On our last day in New Orleans, my friends and I were treated to a live jazz performance by street artists while we ate our morning beignets at Cafe du Monde.  We almost bought their CD too, but having fun in NOLA ain't cheap! Hehe... We did have lots of fun!  Yes, Bourbon Street was a highlight, but it was more than just Bourbon Street.  The city has a great energy, vibe, and the rhythm that speaks to its resiliency and uniqueness.  The food, the music, and the people are incredible.  I will not forget any bit of what I saw in the city tour, the walking and walking we did while there, and learning some Cajun cuisine and eating at the School of Cooking.  

Max the "Sax"

      

Max writes in his Jazz Blog  about an experience watching other jazz performers, where he, "was pleasantly surprised ...Their music was truly beautiful to listen to. Heavy on modal and modulations mixed with an ethereal time feel and it all worked. Everything was tied together, even by the tiniest thread at times.  It was also obvious that these people lived their music. They were engaged with what they were playing, sometimes so much you could almost see the tears..."  When Max shared some of his passion with me, I could not help but be taken back to my time in New Orleans, where he too has visited, played music, and enjoyed all of NOLA.

Upon finally leaving New Orleans, feeling as I still had more to see, do, and experience, I would run into a gentleman at the NOLA airport.  He would go on and on (kind of like an older version of Max the "Sax") about the elements and beauty of jazz and how New Orleans had the best jazz scene anywhere.  I would just look at him and take in the excitement as best I could because I don't know jazz like that nor have I ever thought about it much before this trip and now as Max Holloway would bring it all back for me here it was again!  Thanks, Super Star!  Actually, he prefers to be called Londer Jazzer! 

May I Have Some Wings with That: "Hurricane Grill & Wings" is Calling My Name

So being on this Fat Challenge has been both challenging and exciting.  In trying to discover better ways to eat and better foods to have, I have found a passion I didn't have before- A LOVE FOR WINGS!!  This is definitely a better option than fries!  Ha! Now, with this newfound zest for wings, I have gone to different restaurants in and around NYC, especially in Brooklyn.  It was there that someone commented if I had ever had Hurricane wings?  OK, I didn't know about wings being so special that people commented about them, so I thought this was hysterical! Still I looked up Hurricane Grill & Wings! I had to find out more and I did!  I become obsessed with everything, especially if it tastes good!  I found Askbecca, where she tells readers why you have to go eat there, saying that not only were the wings delicious, but another great option was "the Salmon Caesar Salad.  Nothing is better then a generous hunk of salmon on a salad… I love it!"  When I read that, I realized that maybe I should just be having the Salmon Caesar Salad, huh?! No way!!  I have to try those wings!  


Sadly, Hurricane Grill & Wings' location is in Hartsdale, NY!  I had no idea how far it was when I had initially heard of it and started imagining the yummy meal I would be having there!  So, now, it's actually become my mission to make it there and have some wings!  I head upstate (about two hours out of NYC) about twice a year to see one of my bestest friends, whom I consider my brother, and I know now, what we will be eating once I get there! 


I can't wait for wings at Hurricane Grill & Wings!

Thanksgiving Fat Challenge

My 25 year old sister challenged me to a "Fat Off" and I accepted! We will see who loses the most weight by Thanksgiving morning. My plan is to reduce portions, make it to the gym twice a week as well as keep active throughout the challenge, take my vitamins, and get enough sleep. We'll see who wins!



I remember when at my heaviest I weighed 180 pounds back in 2000 and I thought I was a beast! Ten years later I have had different "heaviest" moments. Of course, I will not share what I weigh now, but I have been on the road to steadily reach 180 and then break that wall until I reach my ultimate goal which is to have a healthy body mass index (BMI), be totally fit for playing sports I enjoy, and feel good in my clothes and with myself practically all the time!



Over the summer I had lost some weight and put some back on a quick trip to Colombia, South America. That and not getting back into my routine would hold me having lost 15lbs and maintaining that loss, which in and of itself is a success.

It motivates me to continue.

What motivates you and keeps you motivated? And what are your helpful tips for a weight loss journey?

Veterans Day 2010

The truth is I honor those who have served this country and continue to serve this country.  The other truth is that that this day highlights just how senseless war is and how unjust it continues to be.  My cousin is a young Marine stationed in Afghanistan.  Should I lose him over a war that has lost any purpose if there was a just purpose to begin with, I will rage.  It would be a devastating loss that today I have come to imagine more than any other day.  I wish him a safe return to his wife and baby.  I am against the war and for the troops.

A Pastoral Coach said, "As a veteran myself, I pray that God can heal the hearts and bodies of so many veterans that have experienced unspeakable horrors in many wars, and lately, in Iraq and Afghanistan. I give thanks for their sacrifice and I pray that government leaders all over the world would do everything possible to avoid future conflicts and future loss of precious life. May war be truly waged as a last resort." -Hector of Beacon For Life Blogs

My Ex Called Me. It was nice. Now what?!

10 TIPS On Not Calling the Ex
AKA Effective Distractions
1) Get on Face Book. Now is exactly when you want to waste time with all your friends and non-friends on FB.
2) Remember how you were going to look up that thing on GOOGLE- that's right, DO THAT NOW!

Image Credit: Google

3) Wow, that bathroom kinda smells funky- yep, GET TO WORK!
4) Still feel like talking? CALL that friend you've been meaning to speak with since forever!
5) Stomach getting jiggly with all that comfort food eating and you know that your Ex would think it's cute- IT'S NOT and DON'T CALL, instead TAKE A JOG!
6) Feel like there is no one who can take your Ex's place- Time to stop lying to yourself and Time to Start JOURNALING!
7) Falling behind at work because your Ex is on your mind- I suggest surfing CRAIGSLIST for a NEW JOB!
8) Hasn't it been a while since you spent quality time with the folks?- CONNECT with your family!
9) Going out alone is an easy bucket-list check mark to get. -Go ON A DATE with yourself ALREADY!
10) Soooo many books to read, so little time. Oh wait, you have some now! - HIT THE BOOKS!

Originally posted on Squidoo.com
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All Is Well

My supervisor wrote me after I submitted some documentation. I sent three emails with various disclosures of my negligence. She wiped all my anxiety away in one email with little more than three words, "All is well...". God is so good, Universe is so great, and my inner guiding spirit is lifted.

From panic to a lingering anxiety to a peaceful calm to chuckling just now over the next guy that would like to sweep me off my feet, I have to say if this is not a reminder of how blessed I am, I don't know what is!

I was quietly supported and loved by my cousins, my sister, and a best friend who knows exactly what it is to keep pushing past the anxiety. Thank you dearly, loves.

Happy to be on the other side now.

The work, and LOTS of it, remains, so I have to get back to that, but ALL IS WELL.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Afraid of the Phone

This morning I received an alarming email from my boss at the part time job. I immediately cancelled any plans of having lunch with my family or doing any work on my project. I feel as I did in the past, kinda like a loser. I think the wisdom I keep gaining over the years and the progress I make as a person is connected just how majorly I have fucked up! And I have! And according to the email this morning, it has been revealed that I did a doozy! I went right into damage control. I could be fired over this and sadly I have been here before where I have said, "I could be fired over this". I laughed with my mother earlier this evening as I shared this concern- it was either laugh or cry. Crying takes too much energy and I still need mine to get me through this evening with a host of other tasks to complete in order to make things right if there is really time to make it all right.

The phone has been off since this morning. I have taken about 1hr and half break all day. I don't know when I will be ready to turn it back on, because I really don't want to know what's contained in the many red notifications on my blackberry which at this point feels like when you get a term paper back and it's full of punishing red ink. You know?

Well, for the most part, I have retired "hiding", but every once in a while I get another opportunity to fuck up big time, regress a little, and come back better than ever.

I'm sure of it! I always have recovered and I always learn something!

Sooo, maybe I will hide just a little longer...

...and then be better... wiser even.

De-Activate

Ever feel like you would like to de-activate from your life? And not in the I'm done with this world kind of way, but the I need to get away from the world kind of way?

There just might be something wrong with me. I'm actually okay with that possibility, but I'm feeling overwhelmed with having too many loved ones in my life. There are too many people who want to spend time with me, too many people who would like to share a meal, a laugh, or simply a hug- some face time. I am so so blessed and equally so loved.

I need a break from people, places, and things. I need a respite from eating out, going out, and family time.

It's been so long since I wrote here, but I'm taking a crack at it again as I found the Mobile Upload feature and I need to just release this without over thinking it.

I'm not ungrateful and I do want and wish to see my loved ones and do so many things together and share beautiful moments, but right now I feel like I need Me Time! Whatever I do during Me Time is my business. Whether I work on my research project or catch up on overdue job tasks or if I just meditate and journal, that is mine to decide.

I wish for a cabin the woods where I can spend a month just with ME... I really do like myself that much! I love being by myself and alone with my thoughts. Wow, I guess I've been missing myself a little. I also see why sometime I'm missed. I miss you too, loved ones- I really do. I always come back to me and have no doubt I come back to you.

Xoxo
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry